FRIDAY CLUB AT STU'S

Cam'ron Lyrics Translated

2006-12-08T19:20:00.000+01:00

NOTE: My brother sent this to me, I have no idea where if came from:

"What the fuck is Cam'ron talking about?" Do you find yourself constantly questioning the lyrics musician Cameron "Cam'ron" Giles (of the Harlem Diplomats) raps about? Does anything that he says make ANY sense? Of course... Contrary to popular belief, it all makes perfect sense! Perhaps I am biased because I have the advantage of knowing Cam'ron and his fellow Diplomats--their swagger, their style--and thus, can, without effort, comprehend the vocabulary that floods the streets of Harlem. But I can fully understand how it might fly over an ordinary person's head--one who has never lived a day in the life of a Dip and is not aware of the fact that there is actually a "Diplomatic Vocabulary"--they're trendsetters. . I am here to help you resolve your issue. Ya smell me??________________________

EXAMPLES...1. Quote: "Hey yo lock my garage/ rock my massage/ Fuck it, bucket by Osh Kosh B'gosh/Golly, I'm gully, Look at his galoshes, Gucci, gold, platinum plaque collages"

Translation: When I arrive home, I often park my vehicle in my garage and then lock it for the night for safe keeping. Following this, I go unwind while I'm treated to a relaxing massage by an attractive young lady. Also, I clearly demonstrate an arrogant and reckless attitude as I display my Osh Kosh B'Gosh designer bucket hat. I'm so fly, on any given day, I can walk down the street and overhear compliments on anything from my boots, to my Gucci clothing, or my artistic composition of gold and platinum plaque's that I have plastered onto the walls of my home. Vivali!________________________

2. Quote: "Fucked up man/ Shit, there you seen it/ (I really mean it)/Fam man, you terry cloth/ That means you very soft/ Gravy Mercedes, add the cranberry sauce"

Translation: It is clearly obvious to all onlookers that you are not a very thick-skinned or assertive individual who is not accustomed to dealing with high-pressure situations. For this, I compare you to the fabric often used in the stitching of expensive towels, robes and other garments in that you both share similar feminine characteristics. Although rather irrelevant, I would also like to add that I am the owner of a new, tan-grey Mercedes Benz. I shall now make the clever pun, as its exterior color is quite similar to that of the common gravy used in food, that it would be fitting to add a side of cranberry sauce, another popular Thanksgiving condiment, which is quite similar to the interior color of my new car! Hilarity!________________________

3. Quote: "Bikes, wheelie and creamin'/(I really mean it)/ I'm a genius, Papadopoulos/ Never lenient/ On your Zenith/ (I really mean it)"

Translation: In addition to all of my other possessions, I own many expensive motorcycles that I often perform tricks and stunts on. I am also an extremely intelligent, yet assertive and confident individual (similar to Greek military officer and politician George Papadopoulos). As you all know, I am famous. Thus, you are likely to see me while watching your television set, perhaps a Zenith or what have you.________________________

4. Quote: "Killa/ Bag me more mutts/ They actually all ducks/ Caddy more trucks/ It's Daddy Warbucks"

Translation: I am also quite popular with the ladies, which I refer to as female dogs, and sometimes ducks because of the constant fast-paced conversation that often resembles that of quacking noises. Once again, I have many automobiles including trucks made by Cadillac. Because of all of my wealth and possessions and the fact that I am constantly surrounded by girls, I have given myself the nickname of "Daddy Warbucks" after the character of the same name in the classic tale of "Annie. " (who was rather wealthy and surrounded by girls as well)_________________

5. Quote: "Eight, boom, boom, my ace boon coon/Shake, bake, skate, vroom, vroom/ (We getting money *****)Seventh to eighth, zoom, zoom, boom, boom tune For I get like that boom, boom room/ (I'm getting money *****)Wrecks 'N Effects, zoom, zoom, meh poon, poonSince the movie "Cocoon", had my uzi, platooned (I'm getting money *****)"

Translation: At 8 o'clock, I had to shoot one of my top underlings who failed to carry out a task for me. Then I prepared some crack cocaine and drove off at top speed. By the way, my associates and I have a high income, presumably from selling drugs. Anyway, driving at high speed from 7th to 8th avenue, I pass the time by putting on one of my favorite cds and turning my sound system to high. This prepares me for the sexual activity that I anticipate engaging in shortly. By the way, once again, I have a particularly enormous income which has perhaps, an influence on the frequency of my sexual activity. Anyway, while making an allusion to the early 90s rap group, Wrecks 'N Effects, and their hit song, "Rump Shaker" I indicate in a subtle way that I am enjoying my sexual activity. But it is at this time that I must remind you that I am a violent individual as I indicated at the beginning of the four bars. I have carried an automatic weapon since 1985 when the movie cocoon first hit the silver screen. Oh yes, I should remind you again that my income is disgustingly enormous perhaps as a result of my violent personality. Huzah!

Beer vs. Makeup

2006-11-28T00:04:00.000+01:00

More Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-27T00:11:00.000+01:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-23T23:31:00.000+01:00

Something tasty cooking...

2006-11-23T02:04:00.000+01:00

Awesome Dice-stacking Video

2006-11-18T18:45:00.000+01:00

Link

Lesbians

2006-11-18T18:37:00.000+01:00

click to make big

Every Bond Trailer

2006-11-18T17:54:00.000+01:00

Link

Excellent mind game, albeit French!

2006-11-14T22:44:00.000+01:00

http://www.microprizes.com/mp32.htm

Addictively annoying pie eating game!

2006-11-14T22:40:00.000+01:00

Can you eat in the pie in 15 bites?
Bet you can't

http://www.microprizes.com/mp32.htm

Can you find the 50 films in this picture?

2006-11-14T22:34:00.000+01:00

I only managed 22 fellow FC'ers! Can any of you do better? Don't know why I ask since there have been only 51 visitors since last week, and I've accounted for 31 of those. Goooooooo, website!!

http://www.mms.com/us/dark/index.jsp

Actual extracts from complaint letters written to the Council...

2006-11-12T00:04:00.000+01:00

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

3. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. .... and their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof.I think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path.My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday, and she is now pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen, 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.

12. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

14. Will you please send a man to look at my water.It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

16. I want to complain about the farm across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up, and its getting too much for me.

17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.
18. Our kitchen floor is damp.We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

19. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat, and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

20. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

21. I have had the Clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

22. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

Playbull

2006-11-11T23:58:00.000+01:00

Random cartoons

2006-11-11T23:51:00.000+01:00

The season of gifts and mellow fruitfulness tis nearly with us. All hail the Xmas season.

2006-11-11T23:43:00.000+01:00

42% of Americans going to Non-Existent Hell!

2006-11-11T23:33:00.000+01:00

new survey by Harris Poll has found that the number of Americans uncertain whether God exists has risen 8% in the last 3 years from 34% to 42%. The poll also asked participants if they believed the deity has a gender:

When questioned on whether God is male or female, 36 percent of respondents said they think God is male, 37 percent said neither male nor female and 10 percent said “both male and female.”

Only one percent think of God as a female, according to the poll.

Just in case it’s not clear…

An estimated 108 million Americans believe the creator of the universe has nuts and a dong.

An estimated 30 million Americans believe the Almighty is a hermaphrodite like Jamie Lee Curtis with some combination of a weiner, balls and a honey-pot.

An estimated 3 million Americans believe Yahweh has jugs and a poonanny and a clit and gets a visit from Aunt Flo every 28 days (Maybe that’s where lava comes from).

What does all this mean? We’re not statisticologists, but as far as we can tell, nearly half the country at the very least believes God has a butthole.

Sex tapes for the blind by Scarlet....

2006-11-11T23:30:00.000+01:00

Evidently there’s a website that claims to have an audio recording of a famous young actress performing oral sex. It’s commonly been agreed upon that the starlet in question is Scarlett Johansson. Now, the owners of the site are planning to sell the recording:

Ladies and Gentlemen,Sorry for the delay. We needed to get some advice before proceeding.

This will be the process:Let’s skip the marketing 101 with lower perceived price points of $19.95 or$19.98.
The price is $20.
We will be using Paypal. No exceptions.
Wow, twenty bucks for audio porn?
Can I get it on a wax cylinder?

Not to be outdone, Lindsay Lohan is planning to release a hot and steamy telegram of her fingering some dude’s b-hole for $39.95. And for a ham sandwich, Tara Reid will send you a drawing of her clitoris via carrier-pidgeon.

Parents kidnap own daughter to have abortion after getting pregnant by black man.

2006-11-11T23:25:00.000+01:00

http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=topNews&storyID=2006-09-18T205357Z_01_N18329498_RTRUKOC_0_US-CRIME-ABORTION.xml

Sonic the Hedgehog - mmmmmm!

2006-11-11T23:21:00.000+01:00

To say the Internet has stripped our society bare has to be the understatement of the millenium. The Internet has torn off our clothes, peeled away our skin, melted off our muscles and chipped away our bones down to the deepest, darkest marrow.

For proof look no further than this article about a web-community for people who want to fuck Sonic the Hedgehog:

These people would like nothing better than to bend Sonic over a chair and fuck him right up his little blue asshole. Or maybe they’d love to pound into Amy Rose while she beats them senseless with her giant mallet. And those are the least insane fantasies you’d find on this forum. These sexual deviants can combine fur fetish, scat fetish, pedophilia, rape fantasies, bestiality, voyeurism, slash fiction, and some other shit no one’s ever even heard of into a horrific cocktail of anti-erotic madness that will leave you wondering whether you should be laughing or crying.
Here’s a screencap of a post by someone who wants to eat Sonic’s vomit and drink his blood. Warning: Reading it will probably make you want to join Al Qaeda. On the bright-side, my burning desire to spoon with Q*bert doesn’t seem too weird anymore.

Man found with screwdriver in his anal cavity!

2006-11-11T23:19:00.000+01:00

http://www.contracostatimes.com/mld/cctimes/news/local/crime_courts/15919306.htm

and that's not all....

The Dibbuk Box! Really weird and quite scary, read on Macduff...

2006-11-11T22:40:00.000+01:00

WARNING - Some people have been affected by just reading this story, complaining of a burning sensation of the eyes and a smell of urine.

http://www.dibbukbox.com/

Fish...

2006-11-03T17:31:00.000+01:00

Weird & Funny pics

2006-11-03T17:03:00.000+01:00

Where the "F" word is acceptable!!

2006-11-03T15:33:00.001+01:00

11. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?"
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the @#$% was that?"
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
-- Custer, 1877

8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my Arse!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1998

1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad." -- Saddam Hussein, 2003

Mirror Mirror Joke

2006-11-03T15:33:00.000+01:00

Mirror Mirror

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust line forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there’s a bright flash...and his legs fall off.

New trailer for Borat movie - f**king hilarious!!

2006-11-03T13:04:00.000+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YQVrbbemRQ

It's racist, chauvenistic, fascist, degrading and absolutely brilliant!!

2006-11-03T11:06:00.000+01:00

Vietnam man handles three decades without sleep

As songbirds awaken the early risers at dawn on the farm, one resident is already up; in fact, he never slept – not once in the past 33 years.

You’d think going without sleep for that long may have its drawbacks, but not for the man in central Quang Nam province who has never been ill after decades of insomnia.

His inability to sleep has not only made him famous, but also represents a “miraculous” phenomenon worthy of scientific study.

Sixty-four-year-old Thai Ngoc, known as Hai Ngoc, said he could not sleep at night after getting a fever in 1973, and has counted infinite numbers of sheep during more than 11,700 consecutive sleepless nights.

“I don’t know whether the insomnia has impacted my health or not. But I’m still healthy and can farm normally like others,” Ngoc said.

Proving his health, the elderly resident of Que Trung commune, Que Son district said he can carry two 50kg bags of fertilizer down 4km of road to return home every day.
His wife said, “My husband used to sleep well, but these days, even liquor cannot put him down.”

She said when Ngoc went to Da Nang for a medical examination, doctors gave him a clean bill of health, except a minor decline in liver function.

Ngoc currently lives on his 5ha farm at the foot of a mountain busy with farming and taking care of pigs and chickens all day. His six children live at their house in Que Trung.

“I have tried sleeping pills and Vietnamese traditional medicine but nothing helps, even to sleep for a few minutes,” he said.

Ngoc often does extra farm work or guards his farm at night to prevent theft, saying he used three months of sleepless nights to dig two large ponds to raise fish.

Neighbor Vu said Ngoc volunteered to help beat a drum during the night and guard the house for the relatives of the dead during funeral ceremonies so that they could take a nap.

Vu also said when the commune was planting sugar cane, several people also asked Ngoc to awaken them at midnight to go to work, since he was up anyway.

On Ngoc’s prolonged insomnia, Phan Ngoc Ha, director of the Hoa Khanh Mental Hospital in Danang said sleep disorders often cause anorexia, lethargy, and irritability.

But, in special cases, some people can handle it and still live and work normally, although this was a very small ratio among insomniacs, Ha added.

13 WEIRD MENTAL DISORDERS!

2006-11-03T10:52:00.000+01:00

13 craziest mental disorders

Triskaidekaphobia: fear of the number 13.
Adolf Hitler was triskaidekaphobic. A specific fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia. Tetraphobia is the fear of the number 4 in China, Japan, and Korea.

Kleptomania:steal what you can
Inability to resist impulses of stealing. A person with this disorder is compelled to steal things, generally things of little or no value, such as pens, paper clips, or miniature toy cars (dinky cars). They are often unaware of performing the theft until some time later.

Bibliomania: collecting too many books
Bibliomania is an obsessive-compulsive disorder involving the collecting of books to the point where social relations or health are damaged. The purchase of multiple copies of the same book and edition and the accumulation of books beyond possible capacity of use or enjoyment are frequent symptoms of bibliomania.

Bigorexia: working out too much
Bigorexia or Muscle dysmorphia is a disorder in which an individual becomes obsessed that they are not muscular enough. Sometimes referred to as bigorexia or reverse anorexia nervosa, it is a very specific case of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).
Muscle dysmorphia can cause individuals to:- Constantly check themselves in a mirror- Become distressed if a gym session is missed- Take potentially dangerous drugs (e.g. anabolic steroids)- Neglecting jobs/relationships/family due to exercising

Exploding head syndrome: a loud noise in the head
It causes the sufferer to occasionally experience a tremendously loud noise as if from within his or her own head, usually described as an explosion or a roar. This usually occurs within an hour or two of falling asleep, but is not the result of a dream.
Androphobia: fear of men
Androphobia is an abnormal and persistent fear of men. Sufferers of this disorder experience anxiety even though they realize they may face no real threat. Androphobia is one of infinite possible phobias, and as such can be traced back to a specific triggering event, usually a traumatic experience at an early age.

Trichotillomania: urge to pull out scalp hair
Trichotillomania is an impulse control disorder characterised by the repeated urge to pull out scalp hair, eyelashes, beard hair, nose hair, pubic hair, eyebrows or other body hair. It may be distantly related to obsessive-compulsive disorder, with which it shares both similarities and differences.

Munchausen syndrome: faking illnesses to gain atention
In Munchausen syndrome, the sufferer feigns, exaggerates, or creates symptoms of illnesses in himself or herself in order to gain attention, sympathy, and comfort from medical personnel. The role of “patient” is a familiar and comforting one, and it fills a psychological need in people with Munchausen’s.
Dr. Strangelove syndrome: hands with a life of its own
Alien hand syndrome (or Dr. Strangelove syndrome) is a neurological disorder in which one of the sufferer’s hands seems to take on a life of its own.
Sometimes the sufferer will not be aware of what the hand is doing until it is brought to his or her attention. Alien hands can perform complex acts such as undoing buttons or removing clothing.

Celebriphilia: pathological desire to have s.e.x with a Celebrity
celebriphilia is an abnormally intense desire to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with a celebrity.

Foreign accent syndrome: speaking your language with an accent
The syndrome causes people to speak their native language as if they had a foreign accent; for example, an American native speaker might speak with a French-sounding accent. It usually follows a severe brain injury, such as a stroke.

Capgras’ syndrome: believing there’s an impostor in the family
The Capgras delusion or Capgras’ syndrome is a rare disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that an acquaintance, usually a close family member or spouse, has been replaced by an identical looking imposter.
Transvestic fetishism:wearing opposite gender clothes
Transvestic fetishism is a sexual fetish for the clothing of the opposite gender. It is one of a number of cross-dressing behaviours and is primarily a psychiatric term.
Transvestic fetishism, fetishistic transvestism and sometimes transvestism are also often used to describe any sexual behaviour or arousal that is in any way connected to clothes of the other gender. Especially the latter is problematic, because transvestism and cross-dressing are neither a sexual fetish, nor do they necessarily have anything to do with sexual behaviour or arousal.

Ready, Set, Go........

2006-10-26T15:51:00.000+02:00

That pole has seen some action!! Ask him next time you order a Guinness!

2006-10-26T15:49:00.000+02:00

Stu's bottom - so famous people take pictures of it! (Note how they're just men!!)

2006-10-26T15:11:00.000+02:00

Planet sizes.....

2006-10-25T20:55:00.000+02:00

18 Tricks for your body! Read and be amazed....

2006-10-25T20:49:00.000+02:00

18 Tricks to Teach Your Body
Soothe a burn, cure a toothache, clear a stuffed nose...

1. If your throat tickles, scratch your ear.
When you were 9, playing your armpit was a cool trick. Now, as an adult, you can still appreciate a good body-based feat, but you're more discriminating. Take that tickle in your throat; it's not worth gagging over. Here's a better way to scratch your itch: "When the nerves in the ear are stimulated, it creates a reflex in the throat that can cause a muscle spasm," says Scott Schaffer, M.D., president of an ear, nose and throat specialty center in Gibbsboro, New Jersey. "This spasm relieves the tickle."

2. Experience supersonic hearing!
If you're stuck chatting up a mumbler at a cocktail party, lean in with your right ear. It's better than your left at following the rapid rhythms of speech, according to researchers at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine. If, on the other hand, you're trying to identify that song playing softly in the elevator, turn your left ear toward the sound. The left ear is better at picking up music tones.

3. Overcome your most primal urge!
Need to pee? No bathroom nearby? Fantasize about Jessica Simpson. Thinking about sex preoccupies your brain, so you won't feel as much discomfort, says Larry Lipshultz, M.D., chief of male reproductive medicine at the Baylor College of Medicine. For best results, try Simpson's "These Boots Are Made for Walking" video.

4. Feel no pain!
German researchers have discovered that coughing during an injection can lessen the pain of the needle stick. According to Taras Usichenko, author of a study on the phenomenon, the trick causes a sudden, temporary rise in pressure in the chest and spinal canal, inhibiting the pain-conducting structures of the spinal cord.

5. Clear your stuffed nose!
Forget Sudafed. An easier, quicker, and cheaper way to relieve sinus pressure is by alternately thrusting your tongue against the roof of your mouth, then pressing between your eyebrows with one finger. This causes the vomer bone, which runs through the nasal passages to the mouth, to rock back and forth, says Lisa DeStefano, D.O., an assistant professor at the Michigan State University college of osteopathic medicine. The motion loosens congestion; after 20 seconds, you'll feel your sinuses start to drain.

6. Fight fire without water!
Worried those wings will repeat on you tonight? "Sleep on your left side," says Anthony A. Star-poli, M.D., a New York City gastroenterologist and assistant professor of medicine at New York Medical College. Studies have shown that patients who sleep on their left sides are less likely to suffer from acid reflux. The esophagus and stomach connect at an angle. When you sleep on your right, the stomach is higher than the esophagus, allowing food and stomach acid to slide up your throat. When you're on your left, the stomach is lower than the esophagus, so gravity's in your favor.

7. Cure your toothache without opening your mouth!
Just rub ice on the back of your hand, on the V-shaped webbed area between your thumb and index finger. A Canadian study found that this technique reduces toothache pain by as much as 50 percent compared with using no ice. The nerve pathways at the base of that V stimulate an area of the brain that blocks pain signals from the face and hands.

8. Make burns disappear!
When you accidentally singe your finger on the stove, clean the skin and apply light pressure with the finger pads of your unmarred hand. Ice will relieve your pain more quickly, Dr. DeStefano says, but since the natural method brings the burned skin back to a normal temperature, the skin is less likely to blister.

9. Stop the world from spinning!
One too many drinks left you dizzy? Put your hand on something stable. The part of your ear responsible for balance—the cupula—floats in a fluid of the same density as blood. "As alcohol dilutes blood in the cupula, the cupula becomes less dense and rises," says Dr. Schaffer. This confuses your brain. The tactile input from a stable object gives the brain a second opinion, and you feel more in balance. Because the nerves in the hand are so sensitive, this works better than the conventional foot-on-the-floor wisdom.

10. Unstitch your side!
If you're like most people, when you run, you exhale as your right foot hits the ground. This puts downward pressure on your liver (which lives on your right side), which then tugs at the diaphragm and creates a side stitch, according to The Doctors Book of Home Remedies for Men. The fix: Exhale as your left foot strikes the ground.

11. Stanch blood with a single finger!
Pinching your nose and leaning back is a great way to stop a nosebleed—if you don't mind choking on your own O positive. A more civil approach: Put some cotton on your upper gums—just behind that small dent below your nose—and press against it, hard. "Most bleeds come from the front of the septum, the cartilage wall that divides the nose," says Peter Desmarais, M.D., an ear, nose, and throat specialist at Entabeni Hospital, in Durban, South Africa. "Pressing here helps stop them."

12. Make your heart stand still!
Trying to quell first-date jitters? Blow on your thumb. The vagus nerve, which governs heart rate, can be controlled through breathing, says Ben Abo, an emergency medical-services specialist at the University of Pittsburgh. It'll get your heart rate back to normal.

13. Thaw your brain!
Too much Chipwich too fast will freeze the brains of lesser men. As for you, press your tongue flat against the roof of your mouth, covering as much as you can. "Since the nerves in the roof of your mouth get extremely cold, your body thinks your brain is freezing, too," says Abo. "In compensating, it overheats, causing an ice-cream headache." The more pressure you apply to the roof of your mouth, the faster your headache will subside.

14. Prevent near-sightedness!
Poor distance vision is rarely caused by genetics, says Anne Barber, O.D., an optometrist in Tacoma, Washington. "It's usually caused by near-point stress." In other words, staring at your computer screen for too long. So flex your way to 20/20 vision. Every few hours during the day, close your eyes, tense your body, take a deep breath, and, after a few seconds, release your breath and muscles at the same time. Tightening and releasing muscles such as the biceps and glutes can trick involuntary muscles—like the eyes—into relaxing as well.

15. Wake the dead!
If your hand falls asleep while you're driving or sitting in an odd position, rock your head from side to side. It'll painlessly banish your pins and needles in less than a minute, says Dr. DeStefano. A tingly hand or arm is often the result of compression in the bundle of nerves in your neck; loosening your neck muscles releases the pressure. Compressed nerves lower in the body govern the feet, so don't let your sleeping dogs lie. Stand up and walk around.

16. Impress your friends!
Next time you're at a party, try this trick: Have a person hold one arm straight out to the side, palm down, and instruct him to maintain this position. Then place two fingers on his wrist and push down. He'll resist. Now have him put one foot on a surface that's a half inch higher (a few magazines) and repeat. This time his arm will fold like a house of cards. By misaligning his hips, you've offset his spine, says Rachel Cosgrove, C.S.C.S., co-owner of Results Fitness, in Santa Clarita, California. Your brain senses that the spine is vulnerable, so it shuts down the body's ability to resist.

17. Breathe underwater!
If you're dying to retrieve that quarter from the bottom of the pool, take several short breaths first—essentially, hyperventilate. When you're underwater, it's not a lack of oxygen that makes you desperate for a breath; it's the buildup of carbon dioxide, which makes your blood acidic, which signals your brain that somethin' ain't right. "When you hyperventilate, the influx of oxygen lowers blood acidity," says Jonathan Armbruster, Ph.D., an associate professor of biology at Auburn University. "This tricks your brain into thinking it has more oxygen." It'll buy you up to 10 seconds.

18. Read minds!
Your own! "If you're giving a speech the next day, review it before falling asleep," says Candi Heimgartner, an instructor of biological sciences at the University of Idaho. Since most memory consolidation happens during sleep, anything you read right before bed is more likely to be encoded as long-term memory.

Weird creature!!

2006-10-25T20:41:00.000+02:00

Several days ago we received an email from artist Corona Smith. Following is the text of the email:

Hello, I am writing to inform you of a most unusual exhibition in the city of Kingston upon Hull, England.

The well preserved remains of a hitherto unknown creature are on display at Hull’s Maritime Museum until the 24th August.

The people of Hull have been making suggestions as to its origins, Zoologists are scratching their heads in wonder.

3 fish in one egg!!!

2006-10-25T20:38:00.000+02:00

Fish egg 'miracle' needs cracking

Check out the link and the weird picture;

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/5367432.stm

2006-10-25T20:37:00.000+02:00

A bizarre case: Girl in far western Nepal emits 'glass pieces' from forehead
By J PANDEY
NEPALGUNJ, Sept 21 -

In what seems to be a bizarre case that has baffled medical practitioners, a young girl in the district of Kailai, far western Nepal, has been emitting transparent solid objects, purported to be glass pieces, from her forehead.

A team of doctors from the Nepalgunj Teaching Hospital (NTH) at Kohalpur Wednesday began their research on 12-year-old Sarita Bista, who has been excreting glass pieces from the side of her forehead for the last three years.

According to family sources, Bista, who is currently under constant medical observation, has emitted more than 130 "glass pieces", averaging 4 cm in length and 1 mm breadth, since January 18, 2006.

“The CT scan report indicates that she has some kind of problem in her forehead skin," said Dr M Kiduwai who is involved in the research, "The pieces do not seem to be coming out from the bone. But we can give more details only after further investigation."
Dr. Keduwai also informed that the girl would be put under medical observation for the next three days "to study the process of formation and emission of the glass pieces." Professors SM Mishra, SK Gupta, Dr CP Pandey and Dr Anir Shrestha of Kohalpur Medical College are involved in the research.

The doctors claim this to be the first case of its kind in the history of medical science. "There are many examples where cranial bones have grown unnaturally to give the impression of horns. But the human body does not produce glass,” Dr Kiduwai said, adding, "It's a strange case."
The doctors have said that they would seek help from scientists at Nepal Academy for Science and Technology (NAST).

“Something that looked like shining glass pieces could be seen coming out of her forehead skin but there is no glass inside the cranium,” said Dr. Jitendra Mahaseth, deputy director of the NTH. Mahaseth also informed that Bista's skin sample would be sent to NAST for further investigation.

The girl has been emitting "triangular glass pieces" everyday since August 7 this year, according to her family sources. “Once she excreted 12 pieces of glass in one day,” said Sarita’s mother Dhansara Bista.

"At the beginning, there was a blister at the side of her forehead. When we scratched it, a piece of glass came out," Dhansara said explaining how her daughter started "emitting glass pieces."
Sometimes Sarita loses consciousness when she begins to "emit" glass pieces, Dhansara said, adding her daughter has never met with any accident.

Generally, Sarita starts emitting glass pieces from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m., Dhansara claimed.
Sarita's parents have already spent over Rs. 300,000 for her treatment but to no avail. They have sought financial help for her further treatment.

2006-10-25T20:35:00.000+02:00

Lawyer to pursue X file cases

A German lawyer is hoping to attract more business by pursuing compensation claims for people who believe they have been abducted by aliens.

"There's quite obviously demand for legal advice here", Jens Lorek said on Thursday.

"The trouble is, people are afraid of making fools of themselves in court".

Lorek, a lawyer based in the eastern city of Dresden who specialises in social and labour law, said he hoped to get more clients by taking on the unusual work.

He has yet to win any abduction claims, but says there are plenty of potential clients, noting that extra-terrestrial watchdogs report hundreds of alien assaults every year. "These people could appeal for therapies or cures," he said.

Lorek is pinning his hopes for success on a German law which grants kidnap victims the right to claim state compensation. Asked if he was worried he might look ridiculous by seeking justice for clients haunted by aliens, Lorek was unfazed. "Nobody has laughed about it up until now".

Plant eats mouse!!!

2006-10-25T20:32:00.000+02:00

Botanists discovered a partially digested mouse inside the plant on Friday after several people complained of a horrible smell.

The carnivorous plant, native to the Philippines, is the first to actually prove that plants can indeed eat small mammals.

Previously, insects were the only things that were known to be in a carnivorous plant's diet.

Check out the video:

http://www.wlwt.com/news/9981163/detail.html

2006-10-25T20:27:00.000+02:00

Message in bottle travels around world in 47 days

LONDON (AFP) — A six-year-old girl who threw a message in a bottle out to sea off the coast of northeast Scotland in the hope that it might be found in Scandanavia was delighted to learn that it had been discovered on the other side of the world, in New Zealand, The Independent said on Friday.

Keely Reid, who threw the plastic bottle to sea while on holiday with her grandparents in Scotland, received a letter from fellow six-year-old James Wilson of Whangamata, on the north island of New Zealand, saying he had received it.

"It is brilliant, this bottle travelled further than I ever have," she was quoted as saying in The Independent.

But the travels of the bottle itself have befuddled scientists — it covered more than 20,000 miles in just 47 days, at an estimated 425 miles per day, or 18 miles per hour.

That compares to a modern-day luxury cruise from Great Britain to New Zealand, which The Independent said could take up to 40 days.

The newspaper quoted Bill Turrell, a scientist at the Fisheries Research Station lab in Aberdeen, northeast Scotland, as saying: "As a scientist I would usually hedge my bets and leave room for some possibility but there is absolutely no way the bottle could have made it to New Zealand on its own, it must have been picked up by somebody."

Voluntary Human Extinction Movement

2006-10-25T20:24:00.000+02:00

Seriously people - have a read of this, brilliant;

http://www.vhemt.org/

P.S. It's not pornographic in any way, shape or form.

Man & Earth.....

2006-10-25T20:21:00.000+02:00

Random jokes....

2006-10-11T16:03:00.000+02:00

A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach. He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him.The first says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?"

Following a nasty car accident, a man's wife slips into a coma. After spending weeks at her bedside, the husband is summoned to the hospital. "It's amazing" says the Doctor, breathlessly. "While bathing your wife, one of the nurses noticed she responded to her breasts being touched."The husband is very excited, and asks what he can do. "Well," says the doc, "if one erogenous zone provokes a response, perhaps the others will too." So the husband goes alone into the room, where he slips his hand under the covers and begins to massage her bits. Amazingly, the woman begins to move and even moan a little. The man tells the doctor, waiting outside. "Excellent!" he says. "If she responds like that to your finger, I think you should try oral sex." Nodding, the husband returns to the room - but within minutes the heart monitor alarms go off, and the medics pile into the room. "What happened?" shouts the doctor, as he checks the prone woman's pulse. "I'm not sure," replies the man, looking sheepish. "I think she choked."

After years of milking cows with the traditional stool-and-squirt method, Farmer Giles finds he has enough money to order a high-tech milking machine. The equipment arrives a few days later and, realising his wife is out for the day, decides to test the machine on himself first.
After setting it up, he quickly eases his beef bayonet into the equipment and flicks the switch. The sucking teat pleasures him better than his wife ever could, but when it's over the machine will not release his member. In desperation, the farmer calls the Customer Service Hotline. "Hello," he winces, "I've just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but, er, how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"
"Don't worry." Replies the rep. "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."

After a woman meets a man in a bar, they talk and end up leaving together. They get back to his flat, and as he's showing her around, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of them - all arranged in size, from the smallest on the shelves along the floor, to the huge daddy bears on the very top shelf. Although surprised, the woman decides not to mention this to him. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks smiling, "How was it?", "Well," says the man, frowning. "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."

A young journalist gets a job at a provincial newspaper in the middle of the prairies. His first assignment was to write a human-interest story. Driving through the cornfields, he spied an old farm-hand and introduced himself."Out here in the middle of nowhere - has anything ever happened that made you happy?". "Yup!" he exclaimed, suddenly. "One time my neighbour's daughter, got lost. So we formed a posse, we eventually found her. After we all screwed her, we took her home."The young journo blanched. "I can't print that!". "Has anything else happened?" The farmer thought again. "Yeah!" he said. "One of my neighbour's sheep got lost. We found it and all screwed it before we took it back home.""Christ!" yelled the young man. "I can't print that either!". "OK - has anything around here that made you particularly sad?"The old man looked at the ground. "Well," he said sheepishly. "I got lost, once."

more paper stuff...

2006-10-11T10:42:00.000+02:00

Paper pictures...

2006-10-11T10:23:00.000+02:00

2006-10-07T15:58:00.000+02:00

Dirty Sanchez - "Drinking Sweat"!!! Not for the faint hearted....

2006-10-05T23:37:00.000+02:00

Jackass clip "Yoga farting"

2006-10-05T23:12:00.000+02:00

Jackass clip - "The Airhorn"

2006-10-05T23:02:00.000+02:00

More silly bloopers

2006-10-05T22:54:00.000+02:00

TV Bloopers

2006-10-05T22:51:00.000+02:00

More farting

2006-09-29T10:36:00.000+02:00

Public farting!

2006-09-29T10:28:00.000+02:00

Cartoon funnies

2006-09-28T13:03:00.000+02:00

Misc pics

2006-09-28T11:49:00.000+02:00

Will ferrel - funny funny bastard!!!

2006-08-04T12:13:00.000+02:00

Jon Stewart on Mel Gibson - funny stuff!

2006-08-04T10:58:00.000+02:00

Keeley - a MUST SEE video

2006-07-31T17:47:00.000+02:00

Now I know this isn't one of those embeddeble (Shit - how do u spell that word?), but check out this link of a 15 minute video of the deliriously delightful Keeley.

http://www.ryoni.com/babes/keeley_hazell.html

Please, for me....

Oh lord no!!!

2006-07-31T17:42:00.000+02:00

Cool Pool table trick!!

2006-07-31T17:41:00.000+02:00

Pump it up (DDR) Skillz

2006-06-26T12:44:00.000+02:00

Blonde or Brunette?

2006-06-26T12:24:00.000+02:00

More Brunette

More Blonde

Morals Tempted

2006-06-21T15:51:00.000+02:00

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me: Her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight toward my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in the car.

Bikini Breakfast

2006-06-21T15:47:00.000+02:00

Isn't It Great When You Find the PERFECT Clipart?

2006-06-20T10:24:00.000+02:00

World's Riskiest Email. Get Fired today!

2006-06-20T10:14:00.000+02:00

Vote for Two Balls and Cox!

2006-06-20T10:12:00.000+02:00

From OfficePirates. Lots of great stuff!

Sunburn Piano

2006-06-20T10:07:00.000+02:00

Ouch!

Southpark Episodes

2006-06-20T10:04:00.000+02:00

Link

Funny Sprite Zero Commercial

2006-06-20T10:00:00.000+02:00

Puppies

2006-06-19T15:01:00.000+02:00

A boy and his father were walking through the park one day. They happen to pass a pair of dogs mating. The boy asks his father, "Dad, what are those dogs doing?" The dad replies, "They are making puppies, son."

"Oh," says the boy.

Later that night the boy wanders into his parents’ room and finds them having sex. The boy asked, "Dad, what are you and mom doing?"

Dad says, "We are making you a brother or sister."

The boy asks, "Could you turn her over? I want a puppy."

Home English Home

2006-06-17T19:12:00.000+02:00

Funny Stuff!

More From Fred

2006-06-17T16:40:00.000+02:00

Fred's blog: GoodShit

2006-06-17T16:33:00.000+02:00

Greed

Pride

Sloth

Lust

Envy

Gluttony

Anger

Awesome Arcade Basement

2006-06-17T16:29:00.000+02:00

Lots more pics.

Anti-gay Protestor vs. Fox News Bimbo

2006-06-17T16:25:00.000+02:00

List of Problems Solved by MacGyver

2006-06-17T16:18:00.000+02:00

List

Cool Mini Helicopter

2006-06-15T23:23:00.000+02:00

Sexy World Cup - Group A

2006-06-14T08:26:00.000+02:00

Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift

2006-06-14T08:12:00.000+02:00

From I Watch Stuff!:

Are you going to see The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift? Well these hot sluts are! In lieu of production stills, the studio has decided to sell its strengths, sending out a series of pictures of sexy babes with cars. It all has very little to do with the movie, but a few of the pictures show semi-visible nipples, so it might be worth your time.

See more "headlights" behind the cut, if you get my "drift." You'd better be "fast," though, or someone will catch you "furiously" masturbating. "Tokyo."

Worst World Cup Haircuts

2006-06-13T23:08:00.000+02:00

Link to the Guardian

Support GoodShit!!!

2006-06-13T23:05:00.000+02:00

GoodShit

Japanese Learn English Exercise Video

2006-06-13T23:02:00.001+02:00

Japanese Learn English Exercise Video

2006-06-13T23:02:00.000+02:00

My Mom Said I Could

2006-06-13T14:51:00.000+02:00

Quick Thinking

2006-06-13T14:43:00.000+02:00

Katie Fey - yum.

2006-06-12T18:39:00.000+02:00

Oh lord!!

2006-06-12T14:13:00.000+02:00

Random funny pics

2006-06-12T13:57:00.000+02:00

Funny comments from this year's Fringe Festival - Edinburgh

2006-06-12T13:54:00.000+02:00

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm
bears.

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of
our family holidays in Customs.

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be
sh*tting herself.

My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was
never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep
at night.

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people
were given pointed sticks?

My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was
two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t.

You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because
eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you
murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening..

Self-raising?"

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and
punched someone in the face.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the
obvious one was "Shout For Help".

I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl
out of Cork...

Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned
out it was a bloody hoax.

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
winner and a loser at the same time.

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The
hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the
circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".

Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda.

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got
one!"

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very
good at it.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel,
then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're
trained for that.

We Can All Be Brasil Fans a Bit Part 3

2006-06-12T08:33:00.000+02:00

We Can All Be Brasil Fans a Bit Part 3

2006-06-12T08:31:00.000+02:00

Sexy Footy

2006-06-11T18:27:00.000+02:00

We Can all be Brasil Fans a Bit Part 2

2006-06-11T17:57:00.000+02:00

Our Boys

2006-06-11T17:47:00.000+02:00

Droll Dessins

2006-06-11T17:43:00.000+02:00

We Can all be Brasil Fans a Bit Part 1

2006-06-11T14:19:00.000+02:00

Sabine

2006-06-10T19:01:00.000+02:00

Laren

2006-06-10T18:55:00.000+02:00

I'ts just weird - in a sort of tasty way!!

2006-06-09T20:38:00.000+02:00

American Duck & Cover 1951

2006-06-09T09:09:00.000+02:00