Friday, December 08, 2006

Cam'ron Lyrics Translated

NOTE: My brother sent this to me, I have no idea where if came from:

"What the fuck is Cam'ron talking about?" Do you find yourself constantly questioning the lyrics musician Cameron "Cam'ron" Giles (of the Harlem Diplomats) raps about? Does anything that he says make ANY sense? Of course... Contrary to popular belief, it all makes perfect sense! Perhaps I am biased because I have the advantage of knowing Cam'ron and his fellow Diplomats--their swagger, their style--and thus, can, without effort, comprehend the vocabulary that floods the streets of Harlem. But I can fully understand how it might fly over an ordinary person's head--one who has never lived a day in the life of a Dip and is not aware of the fact that there is actually a "Diplomatic Vocabulary"--they're trendsetters. . I am here to help you resolve your issue. Ya smell me??________________________

EXAMPLES...1. Quote: "Hey yo lock my garage/ rock my massage/ Fuck it, bucket by Osh Kosh B'gosh/Golly, I'm gully, Look at his galoshes, Gucci, gold, platinum plaque collages"

Translation: When I arrive home, I often park my vehicle in my garage and then lock it for the night for safe keeping. Following this, I go unwind while I'm treated to a relaxing massage by an attractive young lady. Also, I clearly demonstrate an arrogant and reckless attitude as I display my Osh Kosh B'Gosh designer bucket hat. I'm so fly, on any given day, I can walk down the street and overhear compliments on anything from my boots, to my Gucci clothing, or my artistic composition of gold and platinum plaque's that I have plastered onto the walls of my home. Vivali!________________________

2. Quote: "Fucked up man/ Shit, there you seen it/ (I really mean it)/Fam man, you terry cloth/ That means you very soft/ Gravy Mercedes, add the cranberry sauce"

Translation: It is clearly obvious to all onlookers that you are not a very thick-skinned or assertive individual who is not accustomed to dealing with high-pressure situations. For this, I compare you to the fabric often used in the stitching of expensive towels, robes and other garments in that you both share similar feminine characteristics. Although rather irrelevant, I would also like to add that I am the owner of a new, tan-grey Mercedes Benz. I shall now make the clever pun, as its exterior color is quite similar to that of the common gravy used in food, that it would be fitting to add a side of cranberry sauce, another popular Thanksgiving condiment, which is quite similar to the interior color of my new car! Hilarity!________________________

3. Quote: "Bikes, wheelie and creamin'/(I really mean it)/ I'm a genius, Papadopoulos/ Never lenient/ On your Zenith/ (I really mean it)"

Translation: In addition to all of my other possessions, I own many expensive motorcycles that I often perform tricks and stunts on. I am also an extremely intelligent, yet assertive and confident individual (similar to Greek military officer and politician George Papadopoulos). As you all know, I am famous. Thus, you are likely to see me while watching your television set, perhaps a Zenith or what have you.________________________

4. Quote: "Killa/ Bag me more mutts/ They actually all ducks/ Caddy more trucks/ It's Daddy Warbucks"

Translation: I am also quite popular with the ladies, which I refer to as female dogs, and sometimes ducks because of the constant fast-paced conversation that often resembles that of quacking noises. Once again, I have many automobiles including trucks made by Cadillac. Because of all of my wealth and possessions and the fact that I am constantly surrounded by girls, I have given myself the nickname of "Daddy Warbucks" after the character of the same name in the classic tale of "Annie. " (who was rather wealthy and surrounded by girls as well)_________________

5. Quote: "Eight, boom, boom, my ace boon coon/Shake, bake, skate, vroom, vroom/ (We getting money *****)Seventh to eighth, zoom, zoom, boom, boom tune For I get like that boom, boom room/ (I'm getting money *****)Wrecks 'N Effects, zoom, zoom, meh poon, poonSince the movie "Cocoon", had my uzi, platooned (I'm getting money *****)"

Translation: At 8 o'clock, I had to shoot one of my top underlings who failed to carry out a task for me. Then I prepared some crack cocaine and drove off at top speed. By the way, my associates and I have a high income, presumably from selling drugs. Anyway, driving at high speed from 7th to 8th avenue, I pass the time by putting on one of my favorite cds and turning my sound system to high. This prepares me for the sexual activity that I anticipate engaging in shortly. By the way, once again, I have a particularly enormous income which has perhaps, an influence on the frequency of my sexual activity. Anyway, while making an allusion to the early 90s rap group, Wrecks 'N Effects, and their hit song, "Rump Shaker" I indicate in a subtle way that I am enjoying my sexual activity. But it is at this time that I must remind you that I am a violent individual as I indicated at the beginning of the four bars. I have carried an automatic weapon since 1985 when the movie cocoon first hit the silver screen. Oh yes, I should remind you again that my income is disgustingly enormous perhaps as a result of my violent personality. Huzah!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Beer vs. Makeup

Monday, November 27, 2006

More Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Something tasty cooking...

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Awesome Dice-stacking Video


click to make big

Every Bond Trailer

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Excellent mind game, albeit French!

Addictively annoying pie eating game!

Can you eat in the pie in 15 bites?
Bet you can't

Can you find the 50 films in this picture?

I only managed 22 fellow FC'ers! Can any of you do better? Don't know why I ask since there have been only 51 visitors since last week, and I've accounted for 31 of those. Goooooooo, website!!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Actual extracts from complaint letters written to the Council...

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

3. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. .... and their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof.I think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path.My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday, and she is now pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen, 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.

12. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

14. Will you please send a man to look at my water.It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

16. I want to complain about the farm across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up, and its getting too much for me.

17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.
18. Our kitchen floor is damp.We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

19. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat, and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

20. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

21. I have had the Clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

22. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

Saturday, November 11, 2006


Random cartoons

The season of gifts and mellow fruitfulness tis nearly with us. All hail the Xmas season.

42% of Americans going to Non-Existent Hell!

new survey by Harris Poll has found that the number of Americans uncertain whether God exists has risen 8% in the last 3 years from 34% to 42%. The poll also asked participants if they believed the deity has a gender:

When questioned on whether God is male or female, 36 percent of respondents said they think God is male, 37 percent said neither male nor female and 10 percent said “both male and female.”

Only one percent think of God as a female, according to the poll.

Just in case it’s not clear…

An estimated 108 million Americans believe the creator of the universe has nuts and a dong.

An estimated 30 million Americans believe the Almighty is a hermaphrodite like Jamie Lee Curtis with some combination of a weiner, balls and a honey-pot.

An estimated 3 million Americans believe Yahweh has jugs and a poonanny and a clit and gets a visit from Aunt Flo every 28 days (Maybe that’s where lava comes from).

What does all this mean? We’re not statisticologists, but as far as we can tell, nearly half the country at the very least believes God has a butthole.

Sex tapes for the blind by Scarlet....

Evidently there’s a website that claims to have an audio recording of a famous young actress performing oral sex. It’s commonly been agreed upon that the starlet in question is Scarlett Johansson. Now, the owners of the site are planning to sell the recording:

Ladies and Gentlemen,Sorry for the delay. We needed to get some advice before proceeding.

This will be the process:Let’s skip the marketing 101 with lower perceived price points of $19.95 or$19.98.
The price is $20.
We will be using Paypal. No exceptions.
Wow, twenty bucks for audio porn?
Can I get it on a wax cylinder?

Not to be outdone, Lindsay Lohan is planning to release a hot and steamy telegram of her fingering some dude’s b-hole for $39.95. And for a ham sandwich, Tara Reid will send you a drawing of her clitoris via carrier-pidgeon.

Parents kidnap own daughter to have abortion after getting pregnant by black man.

Sonic the Hedgehog - mmmmmm!

To say the Internet has stripped our society bare has to be the understatement of the millenium. The Internet has torn off our clothes, peeled away our skin, melted off our muscles and chipped away our bones down to the deepest, darkest marrow.

For proof look no further than this article about a web-community for people who want to fuck Sonic the Hedgehog:

These people would like nothing better than to bend Sonic over a chair and fuck him right up his little blue asshole. Or maybe they’d love to pound into Amy Rose while she beats them senseless with her giant mallet. And those are the least insane fantasies you’d find on this forum. These sexual deviants can combine fur fetish, scat fetish, pedophilia, rape fantasies, bestiality, voyeurism, slash fiction, and some other shit no one’s ever even heard of into a horrific cocktail of anti-erotic madness that will leave you wondering whether you should be laughing or crying.
Here’s a screencap of a post by someone who wants to eat Sonic’s vomit and drink his blood. Warning: Reading it will probably make you want to join Al Qaeda. On the bright-side, my burning desire to spoon with Q*bert doesn’t seem too weird anymore.

Man found with screwdriver in his anal cavity!